Emerz Wears Sandals to the Shower

"Have you seen Dorm Life?" I ask Emerz. It's a web series, so I don't judge.

"How would I even know if it was any good?" asked Emerz. "Unless it's about a one-bedroom apartment five miles from campus."

"You should pitch that show," I tell him. I've seen the treatment and it is pretty good, but there's already been a show about nothing. Nothing has been done.

Emerz on Helicopter Parenting

Emerz wants to know what's the deal with kids in bike helmets, girls demanding condoms, fathers dropping out of the market and plopping 80 G's in checking. Risk-aversion is death to Emerz. I tell him it's something called helicopter parenting. I tell him he wouldn't understand, mostly because his dad owns a helicopter.

Forty Love

Emerz and I watched Wimbledon, marveling at the lack of chemistry between a slumming Paul Bettany and a striving Dunst. We decided that finding sexual compatibility is a lot like finding a tennis partner. Either they don't have the right shoes or they were ranked juniors. Some have weak serves, or too much spin, or embarrassing mannerisms, and some have laser-like finishes and leave you panting in the pro shop. Either way, there's nothing like peeling back the tin and smelling a new set of balls.

Grosse Pointe Blank Check

From the Tough To Gather Sympathy Department (see also, Schadenfreude):

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/10/fashion/10michigan.html?ref=fashion

"Where the e’s are silent but still do all the work..." Gross.

And, to pass the long hours of unemployment and social freefall:

http://www.lazydork.com/movies/grosse.htm

Walking Home With Emerz

I love the strange, introspective voicemails I get from Emerz on his walk home from the office. "It's raining in Manhattan," he says, and what does that even mean, besides everything?

A Long Lunch For Emerz

Emerz is taking an early, long lunch, perfecting the windsor knot Downey Jr. wore in Ally McBeal. I mean, there are some parallels when you think about it, and Mr. Fleck insisted. He didn't insist on getting soy sauce all over that batch of memos, but everyone is allowed one mistake. Emerz is allowed seven.

School's Out For...Ever?

Emerz always thought his plans for the future were too big to fail, like, say, AIG (in which he has, had, a vested interest) or Liam Neeson's penis. Turns out he was right. He starts tomorrow at Fleck, Kuehnle, Potter and Potter.