The Last Kiss

Emerz could barely contain his excitement over the phone. "This rivals Holmes boob in 'The Gift,'" he said. His giddy voice rising and falling rapidly as he lost his breath over and over, he explained the situation: Zach Braff-Summer Roberts sex scene in the thirty-something sexual angst, romance snuff film "The Last Kiss." Where's Seth Cohen, is all I could think as I watched it unfold. After all, as "In the Land of Women" failed to prove, Cohen is the new Braff. Summer looks like Bambi with huge doe eyes as the film tries extra hard to show how much younger she is then Braff's pregnant gf back home when he stops by her dorm room "just to hold her." They spin each other around, her shirt comes off, sideboob, her skirt is one of those really bunchy ones that rides up easily, her underwear is forced down her right leg by her left toes. I can see Emerz spinning in his apartment, running out his door and down the four flights of stairs, waking the neighbors and grabbing anyone he can get his hands on to loudly proclaim "I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!!" It is the biggest dorm room I have ever seen. Then Zach and Summer move to the bed. He gets cold weiner and pauses- her eyes widen even more as she tells him, "I don't care about tomorrow." Her lids flutter briefly and then, suddenly, she is Bambi's mom. As good as dead.