From Emerz, For My Consideration

Emerz always called Serena sloppy, hastily thrown together. He prefers the cold calculation of Blair, and after all, he reminds me, she was the one masturbating all season (busted by the housekeeper. High school!). How Serena (Jenny?) of her. How like Blair to appropriate their best qualities and make them her own. And now this (I mean, she is kind of a spy): And then this: That's so Emerz, except he makes the Bad Girls Go Worse.

Emerz Resists The Recession

Emerz and I are walking through a nearly empty mall, silent but for the sound of his flip-flops thwacking the once-polished floor. We consider empty storefronts, blooming garbage cans, the roving packs of dogs, like a less-crowded Pompeii. We recall the vacant parking lot we trudged through, the shuttered Applebees. Suddenly there is an oasis, a girl walks out of Lady Footlocker. She considers us, her fellow shoppers, travellers, for a moment, before turning away and heading for the (she'll soon realize) stagnant escalator. "Well, she looks like about a million bucks," I say to Emerz. "Yeah," he says, "as in, she could be lost in a night."

Emerz On The Way Home From Fleck, Kuehnle, Potter and Potter

True Life: Memorial Day With Emerz

It's the start of the summer, Memorial Day weekend, although the DJ on 105.5, the Sound of the Long Island Sound, reminds us all that summer doesn't officially begin until the "equinox."

The weather is here, we wish we were beautiful. We play a quick round of croquet and then make a break for the den and the True Life marathon playing all weekend. We watch the sad plight of Frankie, who suffers from a panic disorder and therefore cannot cross the bridge from Staten Island to the freedom and beauty of New Jersey. We watch Jayden James cry after losing the AVN Best New Starlet award. We watch lives unfold: dreams dissipate, diseases are discovered, addictions are acknowledged. It's like beginners Intervention. We're waiting for True Life: I'm Pregnant. Actually, we're waiting for True Life: Losing The Baby Weight. After all, having the baby is easy, you just give it to your Mom. But who do you give the baby weight to?

From The Try Harder, BET! Department

From the Try Harder, BET! Department:

College Hill: South Beach, Episode "Ribgate.": The divided house gets worse when Kay eats Kyle's ribs.

Emerz and I Discuss Recovery, Things In The Way Of

Emerz and I are on the phone, talking ups and downs, ins and outs, the revolving door policy at Silver Hill and Hollywood Video. I say that Owen Wilson hasn't done shit in a while now, not counting the movie starring that dog and Marley or any late-night romps at some museum.

"He's in recovery, getting off that H," says Emerz.

"Hudson?" I say. "And here I was thinking I was the only one who watched Bride Wars with a belt around my neck."

Emerz Is So Vain, He Probably Thinks This Blog Is About Him