Rooting For The Villain

"This cast is so L.A." says Emerz. We're watching S.W.A.T., just barely too young to remember the show. I ask for clarification. "Oh, come on," he says. "Rosario Dawson? LL Cool J? That guy, that guy, Mr. International, who dates Kylie Minogue? Who directed this? The maitre d at Koi?" "Michelle Rodriguez," I say. "What?" "It's Michelle Rodriguez, not Rosario Dawson." "Oh, that's right," says Emerz. "I wonder if she's out of Hawaiian prison yet." Emerz hates police. He hates the lights, the radio static, the mustaches, the flattened foreheads. He roots for the villain. Always. When we watched Rent he rooted for gentrification. When we watched An Inconvenient Truth he rooted for the truth. When we watched Hook he rooted for Robin Williams' continuing dedication to his work. "Oh, grow up," he said to Peter Panning. "It's a once in a lifetime deal!" The S.W.A.T. villain, Mr. International himself, Mr. One-hundred-million-dollars!, Mr. Kylie Minogue, is as good as anybody to root for. "But he's a wanted terrorist," I tell Emerz. "And he cockholded Richard Gere in Unfaithful," says Emerz. "But...but," Emerz takes a deep breath, massages the bridge of his nose, "I find him irresistible." Emerz is against regulation of any kind. Don't tell him who to root for. And don't regulate his heart. "Do you remember that?" he asks. "That scene on the staircase?" His nose is pinched white under the pressure of his remembrances. "Do you remember that scene on the staircase?" What goes around comes around, I tell Emerz. And, in the end, Hollywood always leaves the villains holding the bag, dead or in jail. Just look at Michelle Rodriguez, I say. Proof positive that life catches up to you. But Emerz isn't hearing it. He's flipping through the movie channels, looking for a team to cheer for. I check the TV Guide. United 93 comes on at 8.