"It's like, the balder Nic Cage gets, the more hair he has?"
Emerz is confused, struggling over this paradox while watching Bangkok Dangerous. Nicholas Cage looks more and more like Alan Rickman every day, I tell Emerz.
Emerz always references celebrities in a casual shorthand, like how he saw Bobby de Niro at a sushi restaurant, or Angie Jolie at a toy store. It's something you get used to, or you don't spend much time with Emerz. The villain in Bangkok Dangerous is Thai. You know he's bad because he has blond hair, says Emerz.
I find it increasingly hard to take Cage seriously, but Emerz still holds him dear. "You have to respect a man that takes his fetishes that seriously," says Emerz. He lists them on his fingers. Lisa Marie Presley. A 19-year-old Japanese wife. "Someone say passion project?" says Emerz lowly, widening his eyes and biting his bottom lip. Like, wink wink. Nudge nudge.
Emerz coddles his fetishes with similar vigor. Coyote Ugly, for one thing. That's still going on. Ladies tennis. Something involving ladies tennis and belts, actually. Pregnant women. Pregnant women smoking. I won't say what Emerz wants them to smoke. Emerz is a veritable piggy bank of web site passwords. His doorstep is often home to plain brown packages. He sees a kindred spirit in Nicholas Cage. Even the craggy, marrow-deficient Cage of Bangkok Dangerous, the one who looks ridiculous in leather. The one who looks wobbly on a motorcycle. The one who breaks all his own rules and dates a deaf Thai woman who works at a pharmacy. The hit man with the heart of gold. We've seen it before. His life is a paradox. The balder he gets, the more hair he has.
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